:Hotlink Heaven

Jennifer Aniston is set retaliate against emotional cheater Brad Pitt by writing a tell- all novel based on her marriage to him. Jen has spent many hours scribbling in her journal and will spill the beans about her feelings and emotions for all of us to read. For over your $24.95 for a hardcover of Jennifer’s Diary for Brad. For that much money I want to know how she get those perfect highlights, how much she pays to have her hair done and does she prefer Mystic tanning to the old fashion beds?




Jen will detail how the split came to be (Angelina) whose fault is really was (Angelina’s) and who her resentment is directed towards (Angelina). I’m just guessing here that perhaps Angelina Jolie had something to do with the breakup although the marriage was on the skids for some time. Like the great poet said, ‘It takes two to make a dream go right, it takes two to make it outta sight’. And it takes two to make a marriage fail.




I hope she includes the nitty gritty details of the life with Brad otherwise, why waste our time reading it? I’d like to know if Brad dresses as woman in his down time? Does he have annoyingly gross habits like biting his toenails? What was he doing on Sunset Strip in the early 1980’s looking for men? Is he really bisexual? Inquiring minds want to know! And seriously, when he guest starred on Friends, did David Schwimmer’s monotone voice make him want to stick his head in the oven? Gah, that would get to me.




Meanwhile, Jennifer and Vince are getting very serious and its been reported that the former playboy is moving in with Jen and the two are very much in love. It began as a friendship where Vince would make Jen laugh with his impersonations of Brad, and then through the laughter and the tears the two forged a beautiful romance…sigh. If only a Pegasus could sweep them into a candy filled sky, we would all live happily ever after.




In other news, Angelina has been complaining about how much she hates being pregnant and this is the last time she carries a baby Pitt. I understand, all the pregnancy aches and pains are no fun at all. Try labor and delivery, its like squeezing a watermelon through a keyhold if you want the truth. Plus, its hard to constantly fly in a private jet all around the world carrying the baby weight and feeling nauseas.




If the baby is a boy, she plans on naming him William Nairobi and if it’s a girl she will name her Marlow Kenya. Jamie Oliver is going to prepare the foodstuffs at their wedding, slated for Valentines Day-cheesey!- and Jen is boiling mad over this since Jamie is her friend too. And Guy Richie, Madonna’s bitch, will play the role of best man.